#LoveYo-Self

In 2013 my life forever changed.  I learned that my anxiety, anger, and depression all stemmed from an underlying cause of gender dysphoria.  This left me with a very disturbing decision with three choices.  Yes, I choose to transition but, my transition was the better of the three choices I had.  I could do nothing and live with the anger, anxiety, and depression which would have eventually led to suicide as I have been living with this and tried to kill myself a couple of times already. I could start taking drugs that control my mind to combat the depression, anxiety, and anger, which could potential send me down a path of criminal insanity; or I could transition/change my body to match my inner being so that I would no longer suffer from depression, anxiety, and anger.  I chose the healthier longer lasting of the three options that were before me. 

From that time on, I have become healthy in body by losing 80lbs and changing my body from an overweight wheezing heart attack walking to a fit athletic 40-year-old adult.  Now I am healthier than I have ever been in my life because I care about the body that is developing and wish to spend as much time in it as possible.  During this time, my mind has become strengthen, filled with knowledge of self, nutrition, health, and a world much larger than I.  It has taken 5 years but my spirit (soul, inner being) has become happier and the most content it has ever been.  I have learned to trust and believe in myself, gained a new level of confidence about myself, and I have even learned to trust others.

My holy trinity, Spirit, Mind, Body have become the healthiest it has been my entire life but, there is still one part missing, or still attached depending on ones’ perspective.  That final birth defect needs to be removed so that I can lead a somewhat normal life.  I can look in the mirror without having to cover myself from the waist down because that birth defect drives me into the darkest corners of my mind looking for an escape.  

For the first year of my transition, I paid for everything as gender dysphoria and the varying treatments were not covered.  Luckily, most of the diagnostics were as we checked everything, including the physical makeup of my brain (MRI to make sure there were no tumors causing any issues).  I paid out of pocket for my therapist because she was not covered.  From 2013 to 2015 gender dysphoria was not covered by my insurance. 

In 2015 WA. state made it illegal for insurance companies to do business without covering Gender Dysphoria.  Once this change was made I now had hope that I could one day have my final gender correcting procedure.  Little did I know that insurance companies would fight tooth and nail against procedures that would ultimately make someone like myself a better person. 

For the last week, I have had my life held hostage by an insurance company that has built in a back door way to avoid paying for needed surgical services for their clients’ employees.  Frankly, I am tired of feeling as if my health and I are a second thought to a company who is supposed to provide for those needed health services. 

 I have waited 5 years to have this procedure done finally feel like a whole, complete, and normal human being.  I made long lasting financial decisions based on facts that, I was led to believe were 100% complete.  After making those decisions, I learned that those facts were not 100% accurate nor complete.  Because of this, my only other option is to wait another 5 years and frankly I do not know if I can.  I literately had my dreams ripped from my heart and stomped on. 

I am not blaming anyone one in particular as I made the decisions I made.  No one made them for me. I do however lay blame on the insurance company for not providing “in network” coverage for my procedures and not stating that fact day 1 when I received the hospital stay approval.  By not providing a surgeon that specializes in gender reassignment surgeries, they are denying adequate affordable health coverage.  By not providing what they will allow (the most they will allow an entity to charge for services) aka; allowable. I, nor the surgeons’ staff, can adequately predict what my final costs would be.  This makes the cost of GRS procedure a huge financial gamble for hospital, the surgeon, and myself.   I should not have to take further financial gambles as I did everything I was supposed to do.  Moved to and payed for a premium plan, get my body, mind, and spirit healthy, save money, and get pre-authorization, yet I still feel hopeless. Even though I did it right, there are still more hoops to jump through.